A room and car of my own, a mature job that paid well. A (almost perfect) boyfriend, friends and community surrounding me making me feel completely at home and rested. Nothing was missing. Why now? Why does God always seem to shake our world when we've finally seemed to slow it down.
So--- I came up with my own collective ideas of what "Go" could mean....Obviously, I was quickly put back in my place, when God, not so very gently, confirmed what I already knew.
"When I ask you to Go, I have already laid out the path. Where you will eat, where you will sleep, Who you will know, and how you will go."
I'm a little emotional writing this now, because I'm thinking about how mighty and awesome out God is.
It all boiled down to last Wednesday when I got into a car accident for the second time this year. I was feeling defeated when I found out the cost of my car and the damage it had done to my "financial and social" situation. I had raised about 2 hundred dollars of support by this time and need over 4 thousand. My spirit gave up as the realty of what the Lord was asking me to do this time around was coming true.
"Sell all your possessions and give to those in need..... “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 38 Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39 Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it." Matt 10
Why would God ask us to "lose our lives".....just to find them again?
I think that this is why...
He doesn't pick us for our strengths, He picks those who are willing because of our weaknesses. When I think back on the people in the bible, the missionaries I know now, and even myself. I realize that most of those people were--- or are unfit for the task they always say their "called to." If we were experts, or if it was easy. It wouldn't require ALL of our being. It wouldn't be me, giving "it all"...."losing my life." Its a hard and narrow journey so that we can willing hold His hand every step of the way....So that HIS glory will be shown more evidently.
In the past, I suppose it was a bit easier to leave life at home behind "for the sake of the Lord" --Because it was an adventure, and based on some of the life choices I had made just prior I knew God was separating me for a time.
But its a tougher pill to swallow when you realize the people God was asking to "leave EVERYTHING behind and follow me"....is you.
I am so blessed with so many examples of how this works. It really puts into perspective what all of our individual callings are. As they all look so different.
As we read in Romans, the potter will make the clay for the purpose he has designed. And who are we, to ask the maker "why have you made me ordinary" or "why have you placed me here?" ---Does not the potter (maker) have the right to say what his creation was made for? Romans 9
All of this was to tell you....I had given up. But you, as the body of Christ, picked me back up and encouraged me in the way I should go. I woke up the following Friday after my accident with 200 dollars of support, and went to sleep that night after a very humbling day, with $1,000 dollars of support.